To better understand the reasons of divorce, the text discusses different types of marriages. Conflict habituated marriages, devastative marriages, passive congenial marriages, vital marriages, and total marriages. These 5 types of marriages show the different outlooks of families on a spectrum of most likely to divorce and most likely to stay married. Divorce does not just affect the man and woman that are in the midst of separating, this subject has many factors that can be affected such as the common factor; children.
In different cultures living with your significant other before being married is highly looked down upon, however in American society there are a Geiger number of young adults moving in with each other before even becoming engaged, however while some people go into their new living situation with the mindset of preparing for marriage, this actually can be the demise of it. Most couples who chose to live together before marriage differ from those who don’t, they are younger therefore can have a nontraditional view of marriage and don’t promote the skill set to go about making a relationship last.
In the text it states ‘they are younger, less likely to adapt to traditional marital expectations, and more approving of divorce as an answer o marital problems. ” (Abaca Zion, Tighten,Wells, 201 1, p. 377). Another source states “The problem is that the couples are settling down too young is what leads to divorce. ” (Hilling, 2014, Para. 4) Earlier on in history marriage was looked upon as sacred. There were many expectations for individuals that are married.
In my independent readings it was stated that “people who were looked to as “respectable” were expected to marry once and to be happy in that marriage. ” (Stewart, 1981, p. 326). If there were any marital problems the person was expected to stay in the marriage and deal with the problems, they ere expected to make the best out of the situation; however in current social culture divorce is no longer looked upon as a negative, but this could be said to be because marriage is no longer taken as seriously anymore either.
The avoidance towards marriage in this society can be the reason as to why failure in marriage is more common in this society. Marriage is no longer looked at for its success rates due to the greater number of divorces that are happening in society. “Couples go into the relationship as if they were on a trial basis, so they are more willing to end marriages due to small issues ether than to stay and work it out. ” (Munroe, 1993, p. 45 This only shows the change of the value of marriage through time.
For example; during the generation of my grandparents (ass’s-ass’s) marriage was looked upon as a sacred union, when they took their vows they literally meant nothing but death would be able to separate their marriage, my grandparents stayed together until the passing of my grandmother, and would still be together if it had not been for that, but in current generations the vows given at the altar aren’t taken as seriously as the ones of our past generations.
I believe that his is due to the influences that surround the youth’s culture. On television there are many stories of celebrities that get married, but break up soon after their weeding day. For an example will use the life of reality television star, Kim Sardinian. She was married to her ex husband Kuris Humphreys for a number of 72 days before the end of their marriage, and this is not something that is uncommon to the youth of today’s culture. However these thoughts stray from the beliefs and values the generations before us had.
Marriage was meant to last forever, a marriage ending within 72 days would e looked upon as a taboo subject, and the wife would be ridiculed by her community and would most likely not be looked upon for remarriage. In past generations marrying at a young age is what was expected. The younger the age the easier it was to Start a family, however in the 20th century marrying at the age of 18 or younger can be a huge factor to why couple’s divorce. The reasons to this could be the maturity of the young couple.
Marriage is a very serious thing, a person no longer lives only for themselves, they have another person to think about and take care of. The ext states “Teenagers may lack the maturity to handle the responsibilities of marriage. Their youth and relative inexperience in relationships also may lead them to make less sensible choice in marital partners. ” (Abaca Zion, et al, 2011 p. 378) When discussing this generation especially marrying at a young age can be extremely detrimental to the longevity of a marriage.
For example, in earlier generations the women married at the young age of 1 5, this was due to their ability to bear children at this age, although they were young the women were still raised to prepare for this time in their lives. In modern society this is not the case, at the age of 15 young women are still looked at as children than adults, thus they act as such. Maturity is a huge factor in marriage, although marriage is looked upon as a joyous occasion, there are still serious situations that the couple will be presented with.
In my opinion marriage is meant for two consenting adults who are both mentally and financially in a stable place to fulfill their specific responsibilities’ to their mates. Another reason that can go along with this subject would be the loss of opportunity within the young adults’ life. They could miss out on the social interactions with friends that are important developmentally for teenagers as well as young adults; also the individual could be losing out on the experience to obtain a college education due to financial limitations.
All of these missed opportunities could make it easy for an individual to become very resentful towards their spouse, causing issues within the marriage, especially if there are children involved. There was a story that my father told to me about his college years and sacrifice’s that both him and my mother made once they were married and established a family. He spoke of how they both attended a arty of their peers, people of whom were all within the same age group as them, but didn’t necessarily have the same responsibilities that they held.
My father spoke of how much the values of my mother and he had changed due to their new found responsibilities as spouses, but also as parents. The wanted to fit in with the lifestyle of those they had once identified with, however they were no longer able to feel a connection with those groups of people. This to them was their moment of maturity, they realized that they were no longer able to party like teenagers with no worries or repercussions, cause they no longer were just responsible for themselves.
My father, who was the head of the household, was responsible for providing a roof over his wife and children’s head, as well as making sure all of the finances within the house were in check. My mother, who at the time was a stay at home mother, had her own set of responsibilities as well. Her focus however was based upon the well being Of her children. She stayed at home teaching us fundamentals, and also made sure that the house was intact for when my father came home from work. In retrospect this could be a factor that went long with the divorce of my parents.
The constant attention that they had to pay to their responsibilities to their children and making sure that the house was financially stable, took time that they needed for their marriage. Many of times it is thought that having children in a marriage will make the marriage stronger, however that is not always true. There are various factors that can go into the chance of having a happy marriage when children are involved, one factor can be the class of the person. People of a higher class can have an easier time dealing with a marriage that involves children; this old be because of their financial stability.
People who have more income are able to take care of the needs of their children, which can cause less stress on the marriage. The same can’t be said for families who are in a lower class. Children can often put a strain on marriages that involve two individuals of a lower class, simply due to the needs and fulfillments of an individual party being neglected in order to serve another one. Personally I do have a better understanding of how having children can effect a marriage leading to divorce due to the financial circumstances due to class. My parents
Were fairly poor when they began having children, fresh out Of college they both were barely into their career fields when they had, so after the birth of both my brother and l, my parent’s marriage began to have its issues. Therefore I feel like that weakened the relationship of my parents and lead to their divorce. Although divorce affects the man and woman going through the divorce, it can also have extreme affects on the child as well. Children that have parents that divorced at a young age are more likely to form a more distant relationship with their parents than ones that grew up in a two parent should.
R. Chris Farley, the associate professor at the University of Illinois at Urbana- Champaign states, “A person who has a secure relationship with a parent is more likely than someone who is insecure to feel that they can trust the Heparin, 2014, Para. 1) Affrays research was to determine how individuals developed relationships with the parents after being a witness to the end of their marriage; his studies were meant to analyze the effects of divorce on children’s relationship with their parents.
In the research a maximum of 7,735 individuals were surveyed based upon their rationalities as well as their personal relationships with their parents. The results showed that more than one third of the individuals surveyed were a product of a divorced family. This helped researcher’s gain further information on how the desecration of a marriage will affect the child’s relationship with their parents. Divorce, however, doesn’t only affect a child’s relationship with their parents; it can also affect the relationship that will be shared with a potential mate.
Divorce can affect a romantic relationship due to reasons such like; not having a model for a romantic relationship. In the ext it States “research clearly indicates that there is variance that is common across relationship domains such that people who are secure with their parents are also more likely than not to be secure in their romantic relationships. ” (Farley, et al, 2014, Para. 1). From other sources it states that children can have permanent negative effects from witnessing a divorce at a young age. The text states “Children of divorces parents can suffer the effects of the breakup through adulthood. (Pain, 2014, Para. L). This is likely to be a true statement among children who have lived in a household with divorced aren’t. It is very important for a young child to be modeled the way a relationship should be, from a young age we are impressive, meaning we pay attention and remember everything that we see. A study done on the impact of parental divorce on emerging adults self -?esteem states “Parents often involve their children in the divorce process which may have negative impacts through emerging adulthood. ” (Block, Spiegel, 2014, Para. ). Henceforth if we see a relationship between a mother and father that is full of love, affection, hard work, and dedication then growing up the child will work to eve relationships that emulate one of their parents. The text states “People’s relationships with their parents and romantic partners play important roles in their lives. ” (Farley, 2013, Para. 4). The higher the divorce rates are getting, also increases the chances of a child involved growing up in a single parent household, which sometimes includes them living in poverty.
Children who grow up with both biological parents are more likely to succeed in certain aspects of life such as; school, long lasting relationships, and meaningful interactions with others, as oppose to children whose parents are o longer together. Due to the increase in the number of not only divorce, but also children being born out of wedlock, (the act of getting pregnant before marriage) is a cause for children being raised in single parents households.
These children are said to be less fortunate when it comes to children who grew up with both parents in the house. Children who have divorced parents are less likely to succeed academically, there is a higher probability rate that they will drop out of high school, and are more likely not to attend college. All of which is the complete opposite when discussing children who grew up in a mom with both biological parents. In the text it states “Children of divorced parents perform poorly in school and have less academic success than children of intact families. (Utah State University, 2014, p. 9), reasons for this may vary depending on factors such as race, class, and gender. Race plays a huge factor in the discussion of the success rate of children who have grown up in families with divorced parents. Historically African Americans and other minorities such as Hispanics have been given fewer opportunities when compared to white families; however there has been research done among adults, to prove how various ethnic cultures may be differently impacted by divorce.
A national survey that explored the relation between adult depression and childhood separation from a parent, that is caused by factors such (death, divorce, or wedlock). ‘Although whites and African Americans adults who experienced parental absence scored higher on depression, than those raised in intact family homes, these differences did not appear the same for people of Hispanic heritage. ” (Bean, 1 995, Para. 3; Mechanic & Hansel, 1989; Para. 3; Wong, 1995, Para. 3 ). The author hypothesized that
Hispanics may not experience the same negative effects of parental absence, because of the necessary support they receive from their extended families. Hispanics commonly have a better relationship with their families due to their culture of being around extended family; therefore they may not struggle as much with divorce than other ethnicities due to a wide access of support from family members. Research states “Hispanics who divorced have first marriages that tend to last longer than other racial/ethnic groups. ” (Sunbathing, Robber, Sun, 2013, Para 2. , However when taking race into inconsideration white adults are affected more negatively than African Americans, but as race play a part in the effects of divorce gender can tie into the category as well. Males that experience divorce within their families are more likely to turn to family and friends for support, as oppose to an African American female, who has the capability to become more introverted during a divorce. The African American female is said to go through a stage of depression that includes the woman distancing herself from family and friends, to somewhat mourn the loss of her marriage.
Marriage affects men ND woman differently, which can conclude the reasons as to why the divorce rate has increased throughout the years. Men benefit more from marriage than the wife. In the text it states “A man in a bad marriage still gets some health benefits compared with single men because even a miserable wife tends to feed her husband vegetables, schedule his medical checkups, and shoulder much of the housework and the emotional work that make life function smoothly. ” (Abaca Zion et al, 2011, p. 70) A wife still taking care of her husband even through a period of separation or marital problems can be a factor as to why more women file for divorce. A woman in going to be nurturing regardless if the couple is on good terms or not, that’s just the nature of a woman, the female gender is much more expressive and emotional than the male gender. Woman tend to create emotional attachments faster than men, and this could easily be a reason as to why marriages are more likely to fail in current cultures. Men are affected by situations differently than women.
Men have a lot of pride, and very rarely show emotion, the nonchalant attitude of a man can push a woman to believing that he no longer cares for her, when in actuality, he may just have a efferent way of showing it. Because a man usually is the one benefiting more from a marriage the wife may feel drained, and underrepresented. As stated in the text, (Abaca Zion et a’) states “Research shows that wives generally benefit from marriage, but less so than husbands. ” (Abaca Zion et al, 2011 , IPPP) a man’s benefiting factors from a marriage more so have to do with Status.
The text States “Men benefit from marriage more than woman do because men benefit from the status of being married regardless the emotional quality of the marriage. ” (Abaca Zinc et al, 2011, p. 271) However omen don’t share the same view point. Women benefit more so based upon their unions. The emotional attachments of a woman within a troubled marriage can cause major health problems on the woman. Health problems such as the most common topic of depression, and immune system break down, are all serious health risk that women have to face as a result of a struggling marriage.
Often times within a marriage, the wife has to work what is said to be a double shift, meaning they not only have their regular in office job, but also have to deal with the task of coming home and also taking care f their duties as a wife as well. A woman can often be at a disadvantage when in a marriage because of their house being ran by patriarchy or the dominance of the husband. Most often a house that is ran in that prospect have zero to no regard for the feelings of the mother/wife, especially a woman whose job is to stay at home.
The text states “A full-time homemaker does the family’s dirty work- cooking, cleaning, and other household chores that she may interpret as drudgery and even demeaning. ” (Abaca Zion et al, 201 1, p. 271 ) the wishes of the stay at home wife come secondary to those of ere husband and kids. The stay at home wife has got to put Others before her many of times, and this can in many scenarios, cause desperation for a better life, one with more freedom and more of a voice in her household. When still young my mother felt as if she had little say in the way my old household was set up due to her being a stay a home mother.
She never had much input in the decisions made by my father, simply because she wasn’t the one acquiring income. However women who do have occupations also struggle with balancing their professional lives as well as their home lives. As stated in he text “Two- career families generate stresses for wives as they, typically, work full-time and still do the majority of the housework. ” (Abaca Zion et al, 201 1, p. 271 With the addition of children, mothers often times are putting much more work into the household as fathers do.
Men who fail to assist their spouses with household duties can be the reason as to why women can experience overload, which can cause extreme stress, and can lead to major marital conflicts. The woman can become dissatisfied with her husband and from this divorce usually occurs. From this the question of “who really benefits from marriage? Arises. With that question factors of class, race, and gender come back into play. Different racial backgrounds, class status and gender roles can have a lot to do with whether a marriage is able to sun. ‘eve certain obstacles or not.
For instance, when I spoke earlier about the effect of children can either strengthen or weaken a marriage has a lot to do most times with the class of the couple. This can often be said for the many jobs a wife has to fulfill for her family. If the family is of a wealthier class in some cases you will see maids, and nanny’s working in the house to lessen the load, forever women Of a lower class such as the working class, may only have a temporary relief solution, this is where child care comes into play, but when they get home they still are responsible for the up keep of their children.
And lastly there are women living in poverty, having children in a relationship can be a leading factor to divorce due to having little resources that are in place to take care of their children, not having enough money for day cares makes it hard for the mother to have a full time, demanding job, and the father is usually the one making the majority of the income, making him usually in a monitoring position to when it comes to money and the functioning of the household. There are different types of marriages that couples are involved in, some vary from closer to the lines of divorce, and a happy marriage.
In the text, there are 5 types of marriages that couples are living in. The first type of marriage is called a “conflict habituated marriages” this type of marriage is defined to be centered on tensions, arguments, and fights. The conflict in this form of marriage isn’t always readily observable to outsiders, but it’s always present in various forms including certain actions such as “nagging, relieving sarcasm, put downs, and physical combat (may not always include this). (Abaca Zion, 2011 , p. 271). This form of marriage is one that is closer to divorce. This type of marriage seems to be abusive and the individuals involved in this marriage would be closer to being on the verge Of their breaking point with the continuance of the negative interactions between one another. The second form of marriage is named “Devastative marriages” this is defined as involved couples who were once in love, but had drifted apart over the years.
They remain together because of their duties. Abaca Zion et al, 201 1, p. 272) Usually a relationship such as this one characterizes the relationship of couples who separate, but choose to continue to live together due to having children, or it being economically easier on them. More than likely a long term separation turns into a divorce due to the couple never taking the necessary measures to restore the love they once had.
Many of these couples could work out their problems in a marriage counseling session, however some couples prefer to stay separated as oppose to getting back together, or officially divorcing. The third type of arraign is a “passive congenial marriages” are defined as an individual that in which love was not expected, but the marriage provided stability for the couple to direct their energies elsewhere. (Abaca Zion et al, 2011, p. 272) This can be described as a person originally from out of the country getting married to someone for the purposes of a green card.
These marriages are usually selfishly pursued and don’t have a long endurance rate. Usually it is only together for the basis of what the individuals can get out of one another, once the resources from the marriage are gone, the marriage will also end. The fourth type of marriage is a vital marriage; this type of marriage differs from the previous ones. This type of marriage is characterized as the spouses shared true intimacy in all important life matters.
Husbands and wives found their central satisfaction in the life they lived with and through each other. (Abaca Zion et a’, 201 1, p. 272) These are the relationships that are likely to stay together longer with few chances of separation or divorce. However these types of couples are few in modern society, spouses that had these character traits were very dominant in previous generations such as the ACS baby booming era) and even generation before then.
The fifth and final type of marriage that the text uses to characterize marriages whether successful or non successful is named “Total marriages” Abaca Zion et al, characterize these marriages to be much like the previous relationship, the vital relationship, but with a more important addition of being more manufactured, such marriages involved couples who were completely absorbed in one another’s life activities, often including their work. These are marriages that are long lasting.
Usually couples who have been together for 0 plus years have these marriage traits, which is why they’re still in a lasting relationship. Through my many years of adapting to the changes brought about as result of divorce, something that will always be a determining factor is the topic of stability. As a child my siblings and were forced to commute back and forth between two cities due to our schooling being closer to our fathers’ house, but our main residence being at our mothers’ house.
This was hard for many reasons, coming home on public transportation by Ourselves cost my mother a lot of money that she could saved on something else, by he time we got arrived home it would be dark and unsafe for my siblings and to walk homer and lastly by time we were situated in the house there was still homework we needed to complete as well. This was a huge inconvenience for not only me, but my siblings as well, but those were the sacrifices we had to make in order to be able to spend time with both of our parents. Stability is a very important balancing factor when pertaining to helping a child cope during this time.
In an article the author states “Helping your kids cope with divorce means providing stability in your home and tending to your children’s needs with a reassuring, positive attitude. ” (Kemp, Seal, Smith, 2013, Para. 1). Divorce can have various effects on not only the two individuals in the midst of it, but also can affect the children involved, cause poverty within families, and also have a lasting effect on the children that can follow them into future relationships of their own.